Wonder Prompts Week 16: Internal Stories

Notice the narratives shaping your experience, and how they subtly guide your choices.

My mother had a habit of challenging me every time I came to her with a “people problem.” She invited me to consider how the other person might have perceived the same situation. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe me; she wanted me to understand that there is more than one way of looking at a situation.

Although I found her attempts to enlighten me irritating at the time—sometimes, a person just wants to rant!—I am grateful for the impact of her persistent nudging. Instead of just assuming everyone sees the world through the same lens I do, I’m curious about different perspectives. I don’t have to agree with them, but they shape my movement through the world while opening me to a deeper, richer experience of it.

The harder trick has been applying that same tactic to the stories I tell myself about myself. The stories that shape my behavior most are often so familiar and so deeply buried in my psyche that I don’t always notice them. But paying closer attention and shifting my perspective as needed, if even slightly, is empowering.

Winning prizes in art and poetry, scoring highly in music, and receiving extra encouragement from an art teacher constructed an inner narrative of creative success that still empowers my work. Missing out on some awards and noticing other people create with skill levels beyond mine allowed me to keep that perspective balanced, avoiding overconfidence.

And then there is that continual inner narrative about deadlines. Even though deadlines help me get things done, I do not like them. The creative side of me wants to roam wild and free, and the notion of reining in my curiosity before I’m ready to complete a project tightens my chest and my thinking. For years, resentment of deadlines and the fear that I wouldn’t be able to meet them fueled procrastination rather than prompting questions about better ways to cope.

When I began to look more closely, I recognized two specific deadline experiences that were completely beyond my control. They shaped a story I didn’t realize was there. I almost failed Grade Four because an illness forced me to miss the final exams. A decade later, another illness derailed my first year of university. Had my professors not been so understanding and willing to grant extensions, I would have failed.

The latter experience triggered a series of nightmares about missing deadlines or being late that lasted for decades. When I connected the dots, I realized my dislike of deadlines concerned more than a desire for extended time: it was an underlying fear that no matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to reach the finish line.

Careful planning to meet my objectives put an end to nightmares of racing down the university hallway with an overdue assignment in hand. Its also taught me to extend a little more grace to the stories behind behaviors I’m not happy with.

I hope you’ll offer yourself grace too, as you explore your inner narratives this week. We’re all just humans, trying to find our way through lives that are often messy and uncomfortable. The stories we tell ourselves are one way we try to cope.

Wishing you wonder,

Deb

Sunday
Listen for a recurring thought about who you are. How does it influence your decisions and the way you move through the world?

Monday
Recall a story you tell about your past, and notice the feeling that anchors it—pride, shame, grief, longing. If you shift your perspective, even a little, what might be missing from the version you repeat?

Tuesday
Notice a prediction you often make about your future and the assumption living beneath it. What might become possible if you loosened that assumption?

Wednesday
Consider a label you’ve accepted about yourself. Who gave it to you, and what part of you has quietly outgrown it?

Thursday
Reflect on a story you tell when you feel afraid or uncertain. What might it be trying to protect you from, and what you be missing out on as a result?

Friday
Rewrite one inner narrative with grace and greater kindness. How does your body respond to them?

Saturday
Sit quietly and explore whatever story feels most true to you today. Name that story. How does your spirit respond?

Behind the stories we tell ourselves lies a voice that can thwart or encourage our efforts. Next week, we’ll begin listening more closely to what that voice says—and what it’s really trying to do.

Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash

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